The Last Push: The Birth of a Mother

Rebecca Hsiang RP, CCC

Registered Psychotherapist

The Last Push: The Birth of a Mother
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A baby’s growth is often described in tangible ways — the size of a peach or squash, fluttering kicks, growing lungs, fingers, and toes. Meanwhile, the growth of a mother is rarely measured so visibly. It takes shape through emotional stretching, mental reshaping, deepening vulnerability, fierce love, and the quiet transformation of becoming.

The transition into parenthood is not only a physical process. It is an emotional, psychological, and soulful transformation as well. Across the third trimester, labour and delivery, and early postpartum, many people meet versions of themselves that feel both familiar and never known before. In many ways, the lessons gathered through these tender and demanding seasons can become guiding truths carried throughout parenthood.

Third Trimester: Holding Anticipation and Uncertainty

The third trimester can feel like living between two worlds. There is often an urgency involved  from organizing the nursery, packing hospital bags, researching feeding options, making plans, nesting in every sense of the word. At the same time, there may be an equally strong desire to slow down, withdraw, rest, and find relief from the physical and emotional weight of late pregnancy.

Both can be true.

This season often becomes an invitation to practice holding two truths at once:

• Ready  and terrified
• Excited and unsure
• Skillfully capable and newly untested
• Eager for change and grieving what is ending

There is no contradiction in these experiences. Neither experience is more important or valid than the other. The existence of one does not minimize the significance of the other. This is the practice of “Both” and “And”. 

• To be both bone tired exhausted and strong enough for one more push
• To be both worried about freak accidents and having faith in partner well-being
• To be both frustrated at the loss of sleep and grateful for every moment with the baby
• To be both enraged at the endless sacrifice and willing to give life and limb for the child’s well-being

The practice of “Both” and “And” honours the different parts of our human experiences and encourages that no part is to be left out. It is a practice of resilience and genuine compassion of not only loving the easy pieces of ourselves and our loved ones but also respecting the less ideal versions of who we are and those we love. 

Invitation to Practice 

• Notice when you are caught up in Either/Or 
  • Either I’m a good mom or I’m failing my child
• Translate these statements to Both/And 
  • I’m a good mom and I’m imperfect and still practicing patience
• Hold a pause before rushing to solve or take action
  • You are safe. Your child is safe. This is not an emergency

Labour and Delivery: Author of Your Birth Story

Few events in a person’s life are remembered as vividly as the birth of their child. Years later, mothers may still recall the feeling of labouring breaths, the atmosphere in the room, the moments of fear and courage, and the instant everything changed. Because birth changes everything.

With every contraction a new identity is being birthed along with a new life being brought into the world. The birth of a baby is also the birth of a mother, a parent, a complete new version of self. As the birth story is told, retold, and shared again over time, mothers begin shaping not only the narrative of how their baby entered the world, but are also authoring who they became in the process. 

Birth stories may hold chapters of grief, disappointment, confusion, or guilt. Regardless of the mother or baby being in good health, there may have been moments that unfolded differently than hoped for, decisions that happened quickly, or emotions that take time to fully process and understand. Those same stories also hold chapters of hope, courage, triumph, awe, and adoration. Moments of strength you did not know you possessed. Moments of fierceness, surrender, and overwhelming love.

Being the author of your own birth story means you get to direct the focus on what is of importance and you get to make meaning of your experiences in the way that support your definition of who you are and aspirations for who you hope to be. As you recount moments that felt tender or overwhelming, gently ask yourself: What was this experience like for me? What did this moment mean to me? What parts of me showed up to meet this moment (e.g. courage, worry, endurance, patience)?

Invitation to Practice 

Documenting your birth story through picture and written word allows you to breathe life into your experiences and take root in shaping your mothering.

• Jot down events with time stamps of your birth story (or have a friend or partner type it out as your narrate)
• What, When, Who, Where, Why/How
  • What happened?
  • When did you notice or experience?
  • Who was there?
  • Where were you?
  • How did you feel? 
• Take pictures of you surviving and enduring while loving through it all (not just of the baby!)

Early Postpartum: Choosing Your Hard

The baby is here and life as you know it has been upended. There is love, connection, awe, and devotion. There is also deep exhaustion, overstimulation, recovery, uncertainty, and immense emotional labour.

What becomes clear very quickly is that everything is hard

Hard because everything takes effort, attention, and resources. Hard because loving, caring, nurturing, feeding, soothing, and restoring asks so much of you at once — your body, your mind, your nervous system, your relationships, your time, and your heart. Hard because every single cell in your being has been rewired to place the newborn(s) needs above all else. Hard because meeting the needs of a vulnerable newborn means making endless decisions about their care. 

• Because being alone with a newborn all day is hard.
  So is coordinating visits with friends and family when you are exhausted and emotionally raw.

• Breastfeeding can be hard.
  So can pumping, sterilizing parts, preparing bottles, and navigating feeding guilt.

• Staying home can feel isolating.
  Leaving the house can feel overwhelming.

• Sleep training feels difficult.
  So is sleep deprivation and loss of sleep.

There is no choice in parenting (and in life) that does not require energy, effort, time, or sacrifice in some form. Choosing your hard means recognizing that every option carries its own weight, and allowing yourself to be intentional about where your limited resources are going. Choosing your hard means you can be unapologetic about what is worthy and what you are willing to tolerate. The “hard” you choose one day may not be the same hard you choose the next day or even the next hour. Because your needs, capacity, emotions, and circumstances are constantly shifting in postpartum and parenthood. 

Invitation to Practice 

Choosing your hard means accepting that there are no perfect or easy option, only the option that feels most sustainable, aligned, or compassionate in that moment. 

• What aligns with my capacity at this moment?
• What feels most supportive right now?
• What best protects my wellbeing?

If you want help navigating this transitional period, want to learn more, or simply want someone to talk to, please feel free to book an initial phone consult here, join The Last Push series (starting June 26!) or email me directly at rebecca@cestlaviewellness.ca to chat more about your needs.

Rebecca Hsiang RP, CCC