On Fear, Risk, and Doing Things Anyway

Danika Desforges-Bell, MSc Ps ed.,
Co-clinic Director of C’est La Vie Wellness and Mental Health Counsellor & Parenting/Behavioural Consultant

On Fear, Risk, and Doing Things Anyway
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For a long time, I believed fear was something you pushed through and left behind. That if you did the thing—caught the wave, drove the car, made the decision—you’d come out on the other side braver and lighter. What I’ve learned instead is that fear often stays. The win isn’t making it disappear; it’s choosing to move with it.

Surfing in Portugal is a good example. I was scared the entire time. Every paddle out, every wave. I never reached a point where it felt fun or freeing, and I’ll probably never do it again. But I’m still proud of myself for trying. For risking it. For letting myself be bad at something, cold, off-balance, and afraid. I didn’t conquer that fear—I met it, briefly, and walked away knowing I could survive it.

Driving and biking in Toronto was different. That fear was persistent, practical, and oddly negotiable. Traffic, close calls, the constant hum of danger. But here, exposure worked. Very CBT-style. Each drive, each ride, was a small experiment: What if I try? What if nothing terrible happens? Over time, the fear recalibrated. The risk paid off. My world expanded. Confidence crept in quietly, built on repetition rather than bravado.

Some fears are less about safety and more about control. Trusting and delegating to my husband meant letting go of the idea that things had to be done my way to be done “right.” That was uncomfortable. It required me to sit with messiness, difference, and vulnerability. The fear there wasn’t that things would fall apart—it was that I would. Instead, what grew was trust, partnership, and a deeper sense that I didn’t have to carry everything alone.

The biggest fear, though, came with the decision to become a parent. And it came in layers. On the surface, I was afraid of labour—the pain, the loss of control. Strangely, that fear softened as pregnancy went on, eased by daily meditation, prenatal yoga, incredible support from midwives and my OBGYN, and preparation classes that replaced the unknown with knowledge.

But underneath that was the deeper fear: not being good enough. Not just good—but perfect. The fear of failing at something that matters more than anything else. Making the decision itself took time, therapy, coaching, long conversations with my husband. And once the decision was made, the fear didn’t leave. It shifted. During fertility treatments, fear and grief settled in—quiet, heavy companions I couldn’t outthink or outwork.

That season taught me something no exposure exercise ever could: some fears aren’t solved by action. They’re endured. They ask for patience, softness, and the willingness to live inside uncertainty without trying to fix it.

What ties all of this together isn’t a story of fearlessness. It’s a story of risk. Of choosing to try, to practice, to decide, even when the outcome wasn’t guaranteed and the fear didn’t vanish. Courage, I’ve learned, isn’t about feeling ready. It’s about being willing to move forward imperfectly—sometimes shaking, sometimes grieving, sometimes proud simply for having shown up at all.

And that, for me, has been enough.

If you’re looking to confront, explore or sit in your fear too, please feel free to book an initial phone consult here, join The Last Push series (starting June 26!) or email me directly at danika@cestlaviewellness.ca to chat more about your needs. Nobody has to do it alone❤️.

Danika Desforges-Bell, MSc Ps ed.