What Real Self-Care Actually Means

Danika Desforges-Bell, MSc Ps ed.,
Co-clinic Director of C’est La Vie Wellness and Mental Health Counsellor & Parenting/Behavioural Consultant

What Real Self-Care Actually Means
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As summer begins, many of us naturally start thinking about slowing down, spending more time outdoors, and taking a well-earned break. It’s a season that often invites us to recharge. But while vacations and sunny afternoons can certainly help us feel refreshed, true self-care goes much deeper than a temporary escape.

In a world that often markets self-care as indulgence—spa days, shopping trips, or quick getaways—I’ve come to understand something very different over my 10+ years as a counsellor. Real self-care isn’t about escaping your life. It’s about creating a life that consistently supports your well-being.

Influenced by the trauma-informed work of Bruce Perry and an Aboriginal worldview that honours balance, connection, and relationship, I see self-care as something deeper, more intentional, and more sustaining.
Meaningful self-care tends to live within four core areas:

1. Movement & Rhythm
Our nervous systems thrive on rhythm. Trauma research shows that healing often happens through patterned, repetitive experiences that help regulate the body—not just through talking or thinking. Walking, stretching, swimming, dancing, gardening, or even rocking in a chair can help calm an overwhelmed nervous system.

Many people notice that after a stressful day, it’s easier to think clearly after a walk than after sitting and ruminating. That’s because movement helps shift our bodies out of survival mode and back toward regulation.
Spending time in nature can deepen these benefits. Whether it’s hiking a trail, sitting by the water, or taking your morning coffee outside, natural environments can help reduce stress, increase mindfulness, and create a greater sense of calm.

Ask yourself: How am I helping my body regulate—not just my mind?

2. Community
We are wired for connection. One of the strongest predictors of emotional well-being isn’t independence—it’s having safe, supportive relationships.
When we’re struggling with anxiety, grief, burnout, or trauma, our instinct is often to withdraw. While alone time can be restorative, prolonged isolation tends to amplify distress. Healing happens in relationships where we feel seen, accepted, and emotionally safe.

Community doesn’t have to mean having dozens of friends. It might look like having coffee with someone you trust, attending a support group, joining a recreational sports team, volunteering, or simply reaching out instead of carrying everything alone.

Healthy relationships help regulate our nervous systems in ways we often underestimate. Sometimes the most important form of self-care is allowing someone else to sit beside us.

Ask yourself: Who helps me feel safe, supported, and understood?

3. Therapy & Therapeutic Practices
Self-care isn’t only about preventing stress—it’s also about making space to process it.

Therapy provides a dedicated space to understand patterns, process difficult emotions, heal from past experiences, and develop healthier ways of coping. It’s not only for times of crisis; it can also be an investment in personal growth, stronger relationships, and greater self-awareness.

Therapeutic practices can extend beyond counselling as well. Journaling, mindfulness, massage therapy, acupuncture, breathwork, creative expression, or traditional healing practices can all help reconnect us with ourselves and support emotional well-being.

Many of us are skilled at caring for everyone else while ignoring our own internal world. Real self-care invites us to become curious about what’s happening beneath the surface instead of pushing it aside.

Ask yourself: What am I carrying that deserves attention and care?

4. Spiritual Connection
Spirituality doesn’t have to be religious. At its core, it’s about feeling connected to something larger than ourselves and finding meaning in our lives.
For some, that connection comes through faith or prayer. For others, it’s found in nature, cultural traditions, ceremony, creativity, meditation, music, or acts of service. When life feels overwhelming, having a sense of purpose and belonging can provide perspective and resilience.

Psychologically, meaning-making is an important part of healing. It helps us integrate difficult experiences instead of being defined by them.
When we nurture our spiritual well-being, we often feel more grounded, hopeful, and connected—not because life’s challenges disappear, but because we remember we’re part of something bigger.

Ask yourself: What helps me feel grounded, connected, and purposeful?

Real Self-Care Is About Wholeness
Real self-care isn’t always easy or glamorous. It’s consistent, intentional, and rooted in caring for your whole self—body, mind, relationships, and spirit.

Rather than asking, “What do I want right now?” real self-care gently invites a different question:
“What do I need to feel well, supported, and whole?”

As we move into the summer season, consider choosing one small practice from each of these four areas. Small, consistent acts of care often have a greater impact than occasional grand gestures.
If you’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or ready to invest in your emotional well-being, I’d be honoured to support you. Book a free consultation today, and let’s explore what meaningful, sustainable self-care can look like for you.

Danika Desforges-Bell, MSc Ps ed.